Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Not yet

There is a little Mexican restaurant around the corner. My husband is always asking if I want to go there on nights when we can't decide where to eat. My pat answer is "Not yet." He says I say that a lot. I guess it is true. My whole life has been a not yet. Is it time to get a pet? Not yet, I don't spend enough time at home. Is it time to go on vacation? Not yet, I have too much to do for work. Is it time to remodel the kitchen? Not yet, I don't want contractors all over the house. Is it time to move so that we can live in the same city? Not yet, I want to get tenure. Is it time to have kids? Not yet, I want to have some time together before we are tied down.

Then finally we decide to have kids. Ok, pregnant the natural way. Not yet. Clomid? Not yet. IUI/IVF. Not and not yet. Bite the bullet. Move on to donor eggs. Fresh cycle. Not quite. Finally, well prepared FET. Estrogen levels. Check. Endometrial biopsy. Check. I go in today to get a final lining check before the progesterone. Not yet.

Thats right. The only thing that my body needs to do right now is what it has been doing every month for the past 30 years. I don't know how well it did it, but it certainly doesn't seem to do it well now. This means no transfer next week. Another week on estrogen. Nothing else that I can do.

Not yet.

1 comment:

  1. fucking hell.
    Not yet does not equal No-- it is one of the phrases I use most too (oddly!).

    So you, I am so sorry for your delay, and hope that all falls into place quickly so you can go from not yet to NOW!

    thinking of you and swearing, you know, like I do.