Why is it that I feel things are getting worse and not better. When we started this it seemed I just needed little help. The FSH was 8.8, had regular cycles, and all the plans in the world to have a baby within a year. So being the closet optimist that I am, I was totally floored when the RE (not the usual one but his partner) basically told me there was no hope. Might I remind you this was also the inadequate endometrial biopsy guy. His only saving grace is that I made my initial appointment at their clinic through him because the RE (Dr. L) I wanted to see was all booked for two months. Then some how I became Dr. L's patient. I fear that he took me on because he sees me as a challenge. Back to the appointment.
The exact conversation was
RE: What is your status currently?
ME: Dr. L just wanted me to come in on a normal cycle to see what my lining measures.
RE: No estrogen then this cycle.
RE: Are you trying for a transfer this month.
ME: Ummm no. (IdME: Didn't I just tell you I had just ovulated? You idiot. If we were trying for a natural transfer wouldn't we have missed it? JFC, why are you such a moron)
RE: Hmmm lining looks like it is 5 mm and you have a follicle or probably a cyst.
ME: Oh.... (IdME: Thanks for adding insult to injury. You don't think that I could possibly have a follicle on the day I told you I was ovulating. Instead you assume it is a cyst. Nice)
RE: You will have to have a consult with Dr. L. to discuss your next plan.
ME: So is there anything I can do?
RE: No, if your lining doesn't get any better there is no hope.
ME: I have no options?
RE: No either another transfer or find a surrogate for your last two blasts.
ME: Uh...gulping back the tears (IdME: You are such a f***ing moron. You have the balls to suggest I hand the whole thing over to somebody else. I wasn't even happy with donor eggs now you suggest donor uterus? Lets just strike me from the whole equation. I am useless. I hate you)
RE: Oh, you could try vaginal vi*gra, or acupuncture but that really hasn't been shown to help. We have done everything Western medicine can do for you. We have never seen anyone get pregnant with a lining of 5mm. See yah!
ME: ....silence (IdME: You really are a moron. I am not on any medication this cycle so my lining can get a little thicker than this, doofus. Maybe not much but I even had implantation and a lining of 7.5. I know it is not great, but it certainly is better than 5mm)
Thank goodness, he is not my regular RE. I think I would have killed myself by now. Dr. L is much more upbeat. Full of anecdotes, not really shining sun up my a$$, but positive. More hopeful. He suggests I take a two-three month break. So now need to do everything that I can to plump my lining up. Any recommendations?
I know several things I want to try:
1. Some kind of relaxation maybe meditation or massage. I really feel stressed most of the time.
2. Yes, I will finally do acupuncture. I am thinking about getting Mr. Hoo to do it with me for moral support (I don't think he will be very happy about that)
3. Cutting out alcohol (again)
4. I already eat fairly healthfully. Which reminds me that I wanted to mention by recent cholesterol readings. Triglycerides 40!!!!, HDL97!!!! LDL 65. Thats right my LDL is lower than my HDL. Total was something like 165. Wait looking back, my HDL has always been higher than my LDL. I guess in addition to giving me the crazies, my mom also passed on good cholesterol regulating genes. This was despite the fact that I haven't been exercising since October. I wonder if there is any correlation with lining and cholesterol. Maybe I need to eat more eggs? Ha, eggs to improve my fertility.
Oh, yeah I was listing my plan of attack.
5. Vitamin E and vitamin B6 ( I don't know what good extras of these will do. The prenatals already have these, but it can't hurt right?) The nurse suggested them so what the heck.
6. Yoga or walking. I was thinking about doing two walks with the puppy poo instead of just one a day.
7. I read that someone cut out refined sugar. I think that would kill me, but maybe I could try it for a few months.
Oh, yeah I forgot why things seem to be getting worse in addition to the lining scenario. I have a very regular cycle. 26 days like clockwork except on IVF meds or BCP. I ovulate between day 12 and 13 by BBT, cervical position and mucus. Any way, this month I seem to be completely out of wack. Still have not seen a huge increase in BBT and today is day 15. I have seen a slow increase, but nothing that has peaked. I guess tomorrow will be the defining moment. And the cervix has been wonky. Nothing that I could say was definitively high and soft. So maybe I didn't ovulate this month, good because maybe that explains super thin lining. Bad because maybe stupid RE was right and it was a cyst. I guess I will find out in two weeks.